all is cloudy except for when you look into the past

2011-11-01T10:05:00.000+08:00

It's been a year since I have last blogged here, and I do like to pop by from time to time and read the thoughts of my younger self. How insignificant those problems have become over the years.
It has been almost a year since I got out of the hellhole and I am still having nightmares.

2010-08-26T15:43:00.001+08:00

I trip over my words

of goodbye

you sing of farewell

so easily

it rolls of your tongue

I move forward

then backwards

do you even care?

A Year Has Passed.

2010-08-26T14:58:00.002+08:00

Hello fellow human beings,

So much have changed over the span of a year. I had a crush, fell in love, and got broken up with. Can you believe it? I had a boyfriend! When a year ago I was thinking to buy myself three cats and become a old cat lady. I have made new friends and lost some old ones. Painful, yes, but I believe that my personal growth in this trying period is far more than that of the past few years.

Next year, I am finally going to go to SIM and into university. I mean, I am already 22 this year.

So much for finding my soul mate, huh? I guess from now on I am only going to date older guys, ones who wouldn't use breaking up as a solution to everything, someone who would actually fight for us to be together instead of running away. Someone whom would communicate with me when there are things about me that he doesn't like. Someone who would love me for who I am and not try to make me into some "ideal girlfriend". Someone whom would instinctively hold me when I am upset, whom would laugh with me. Someone who can discuss my beloved movies and books with me. Someone with a similar taste in music. Someone whom I would have chemistry with. Someone imperfect whom would love someone imperfect too. Someone whom would apologise when he makes a mistake and not be all self-righteous and shit. Someone whom would love me and not hurt me in anyway.

Well, I shall wait until he gets here and not settle for less. Not anymore.

Bye.

2009-08-24T17:37:00.000+08:00

In case you are wondering.

I have moved to Tumblr.

www.dinnielim.com

2009-07-28T13:17:00.002+08:00

I am back for today at least, am in the Kelly office.
For two days. Take care, my loves.
Would be on internet hiatus (sporadic at best) until the Mac happens to me.

XOXO

Dinnie Lim

2009-07-26T14:33:00.001+08:00

Find me a Vaughn

2009-07-23T12:28:00.001+08:00

What the fuck is wrong with me?
Why can't I have one of those happy endings that seem to elude me?
Why does life have to have so many uncertainties?
Why must I be so ordinary?
Why can't I be a Rowling?
A Tolkien? Or a Steve Jobs ?

I am in this place where I am lost. Fuck it.

Let's not.

2009-07-11T01:07:00.001+08:00

This is perfect.
You and me.
Problem is.
It's all you and not me.

2009-07-05T22:28:00.001+08:00

Would anyone understand
Is this a useless rant?
Am I supposed to take this
And leave it as it is

Do I give in and carry on?

Fuck you right back, world.

Hiatus

2009-07-03T21:34:00.001+08:00

I am on an indefinite hiatus.
I don't want to fill this blog with useless rants.
Follow me on twitter @dinnie .

xoxo,

Dinnie

2009-07-03T21:32:00.001+08:00

Ah
Money
The source of all troubles

2009-06-27T15:30:00.002+08:00

Am listening to some Michael Jackson songs on Playlist.com.
Lovely music, all is, and let's just say that it is one of music's greatest losses.
So, rest in peace, MJ.
We will remember you.

Fake Crumpler Bags

2009-06-23T10:59:00.002+08:00

As you know, I have a nice little Complete Seed Messenger bag from Crumpler. And I paid close to 200 hundred dollars for it.
So imagine my irritation when I see people selling imitations. (hey, it rhymed!)
Everything is the same, the colorful strap down the side, the little round logo, except that when you look closer, the little guy with the sticking out hair is not there!

Please la, if it was me, I will just buy a no-name, durable looking bag instead of buying some knockoff.

*sneers*

some updates and a possible second blog

2009-06-23T09:41:00.002+08:00

So, erm, since I have losing my job soon, my internet access for the next few months would be relatively sporadic unless you count surfing the net on my iPod Touch, which is really hard. And touch typing really takes some getting used to.
Therefore, I am going to set up another blog, which is untitled for the moment. This is so that you don't have to scroll through crap like "OMG! Mark Hoppus is so hot!" in order to get to some of my serious thoughts.
Probably, I am going to mess up and posts could go either way, but just bear with me ok?
I would use some time later to create that blog, I haven't decide if I want it on Blogger or Tumblr, the latter being the choice for many of the FBR artistes, NOT that I am going to choose that just because of that. Anyway, as you can see, I am babbling on like an idiot.

Some updates about my life, if you are interested.

I AM still waiting for the reply to my appeal to NTU's English. Have been praying about this and if it is in His will, it will be favourable, if not, He would have another place for me to be. I have been trying to see myself not as my own property, but as God's instrument.

And no, I am not going to preach and stuff about this. It is a personal decision, and it doesn't change me much on the outside, I am still ME. The girl that likes Blink 182 and Green Day and Fall Out Boy and Good Charlotte. ok, you get my point. :)

My love life is still non-existent, sadly. Ahahaha. I sound so resigned.
As in, there are options, just not options that I would like to consider.

Ah. I shall go and ponder the mysteries of the world and decide between Tumblr and Blogger.

XOXO

2009-06-21T16:55:00.001+08:00

The first
The last
The one in the middle
Does anything matter any more
The order
The rules
It's pathetic
How we hide ourselves
Behind identities that are not ours to keep
The masks we wear in order to not look weak

There is no us to speak of...

2009-06-20T21:47:00.001+08:00

Am I feeling
The right kind of message
From you

You are not listening
What I'm saying
About the anti-youandme
The us that is never going to happen

Hate breaking hearts
But
I just can't keep pretending
That I don't know
What you are trying to be

Friends
We'll always be

2009-06-20T21:42:00.001+08:00

Ignorance
Quick to condemn
Quick to preach
Bring out the gospel
And start making judgements
Without knowledge
You are but a fool.

Desire by Mary Mackey

2009-06-19T11:54:00.000+08:00

in my dreams
I hold my lovers
next
to me all at once
and ask them

what was it I desired?

my
hands are full
of their heads
like bunches of cut roses
blond hair,
brown hair, red, black,
their eyes are pools of bewilderment
staring up
at me
from the bouquet

what was it I desired?
I ask again

was it your bodies?
did I hope by draping
your flesh over me
I could escape
boredom
loneliness
gray hairs shooting
towards me
from the future
like thin arrows?
did I think I could
escape,
by taking your breath
into my mouth,
did I think I could
escape
the responsibility
of breathing?

what did I desire in
you?

sex
knowledge?
power?
love?

did I expect the
clouds to
crack
and blue moths to fly out of the stars?
did I expect
a voice
to call to me
saying
"Here at last is the answer."

what
I yell at them
shaking my lovers
what did I desire in
you?

their ears fall off like petals
they shed their faces
in a
pile at my feet
their bewildered eyes
pucker and close
centers of
fallen flowers

the last face
floats down
circling in the
darkness
at my feet

what did I desire in you? I whisper

the
stems of their bodies
dry in my hands
-- Mary Mackey

Jekyll and Hyde

2009-06-19T01:34:00.001+08:00

If you could see
The face I have
Behind the masks
The layers of frozen smiles
Grimaces

Perhaps you might want
To leave
I would be okay
If you leave
And cease calling me
Friend

I feel like
I am living someone else's life

I feel like Jekylll and Hyde.

The face
My public face
Always ready with
A smile
A kind word
The sweet girl
Popular

The one behind close doors
The vindictive
Jealous
Superficial
Biting remarks

Sometimes each might be out
At inappropriate times.

I have given up
Any hope
Of this being a poem.

So should you

A depressing poem, do not read lest you slit your wrists

2009-06-19T01:26:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wonder
If this is all there is
Toiling for gold that I can't seem to keep
Arguing pointlessly
Got nothing that really matter
Do I dare disturb the universe?

What if I am destined to be alone
What if fate is just that
What if I never mattered in the world.

What if I never become important.
What If I died and only my brothers turns up at my funeral
What if I cease to exist.
Would you notice?

dressing up as myself

2009-06-16T09:37:00.001+08:00

I never really understood the whole thing about "falling apart". I always thought that people who said that they were falling apart are weak and useless and deserving of what they have. But during the recent weeks, I am beginning to see this term in a whole new light.
To be pretending, in front of your friends, your family, the people you work with. To carry burdens that aren't for you to carry, but you have to because they are yours. To break your back bending backwards to force the smile to reach your eyes so that everyone else might think that you are happy and exactly where you want to be. To pretend that life is all but a game to you. To pretend that you don;t care about what happens next. To act as if nothing else matters even if you never amount to nothing much at all. To act as the defiant youth that rebels against everything so that they wouldn't see the pain hidden under the facade of mock seriousness.
To listen to loud music sometimes only because you can't stand to hear yourself think. To wait for everyone to fall asleep before you cry yourself to sleep. To listen to the problems of others and try to help them when you have got a whole chest of skeletons under your bed waiting for you. To hear trivial little inconveniences that are exaggerrated when you have problems paying for the next meal, the next tuition fee.
To act like we are on a stage instead of a real life.
To hide emotions so we would not appear weak and diminish in the eyes of others.

We are on a stage, our lives, dressing up as ourselves, and sometimes, we don't even know who we really are anymore.

2009-06-16T09:22:00.002+08:00

something I saw on my brother Duncan's blog.
it struck a chord within me that words, as much as I am a master of them, just cannot express.

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
-"Stained Glass Masquerade" - Casting Crowns

Would You catch me when I fall?

2009-06-16T09:18:00.002+08:00

I would like to be nice and delete the last two posts. But I just cannot be bothered.

2009-06-16T09:15:00.002+08:00

~DELETED POST~

2009-06-16T09:11:00.000+08:00

I wanted to write something lighthearted and funny, but my heart is heavy and the burdens bends my back today. As much as I would like to accede the request of a happier blog from people like nic and d, I just can't bring myself to do the written version of a forced laugh, Writing happy things when I am not feeling very happy just isn't going to work.
And anyway, as much as I like to please everyone and make them smile and stuff, this blog is mine. So, please go somewhere else for these whole month unless you would like to read depressing, or like nic said, wrist-slitting emo entries.
I am at this point in my life where many things are not going right. And please stop asking me what is wrong with me and where I am going to school and everything unless you happen to be Bill Gates or Elton John and would like to bestow sixty thousand dollars upon me.
I hate being all needy and weak in front of people, especially my friends.
And the doubts arising from my lack of faith isn't helping any matters at all.

And after reading this blog post, I wrongly advise you, my friends, not to ask me what is wrong with me. No, this is not one of those reverse psychology tricks where I ask you to not ask me when I secretly want you to. I REALLY DON"T.

So, there.
And I feel sorry for you that you have to go through this blog entry being yelled at for nothing. I apologise, although I am not really sorry at all.

If there was one thing in this world that I would want, something that I can do and not fail. I would write. And write. And Write.

So long, my friends and lovers (or lack thereof).

Please pray for me.

Bye.

2009-06-15T09:55:00.003+08:00

Give me more lovin' than I've ever had
Make it all better when I'm feelin' sad
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not

Make me feel
good when I hurt so bad
Barely gettin' mad, I'm so glad I found you
I love bein' around you
You make it easy, it's as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

My new favourite song, that is, 1,2,3,4 by Plain White T's, the same band that brought us "Hey There Delilah". To me, songs are special because they bring to mind feelings or memories that we have and that it touches our hearts. Or we night have special songs that we remember hearing for the very first time in the past. In might be a love song we heard when we had our first crush, or the first time we broke up with somebody we love.

2009-06-15T09:34:00.000+08:00

actually had wanted to post one of those lists
but I was feeling uninspired, and when one blogs with no inspiration, it WILL suck. so here i am typing about nothing in particular.
nothing that would make any sense so i advice that you stop reading this and go somewhere else if you are looking for entertainment
i will blog about the lovely chalet and my lovely nephews, Varian and Brian, but I am not feeling up to it now.
:)
Brian is my third cousin's younger son, he is seven this year and a really cute little boy that makes me want to adopt a kid someday.
He has this awesome smile and perfect laugh and everything.

Tired

2009-06-14T22:02:00.001+08:00

Escaping a reality
Where the odds aren't in my favor.

2009-06-11T21:41:00.002+08:00

Why do you have to complicate things
Were not things easier
and better
there's no need to think
why do you have to
make things
so difficult?

you are being difficult
so when your heart gets broken
I am not going to apologise
at all.

2009-06-11T21:40:00.001+08:00

i can see right through
the things you do
the mindless smiles I endured through.

A tomboy through and through
any tricks and plots
you've got better chance hiding
a bone from a dog

2009-06-11T21:29:00.003+08:00

I know your tricks
the offhanded compliments
the things you do to make me smile
but it's not gonna work this time round
you might touch my heart for a while
but I am warning you
I am warning you

nothing's gonna happen
so you might as well not even try
the constellations were nothing
but bits of light
never were stars

this is bad poetry
but the ones you wrote me
weren't any better
I am mean and a bitch
but i warned you
oh, did i ever

Something I found in a old notebook.

2009-06-09T20:44:00.003+08:00

Tired
My mind goes into overdrive
Your face
Among others

Eyes dead
And slumped forward
I smile one that never reached my
Eyes
Nor my
Heart

You are perfect
Yet horribly flawed

Love should conquer obstacles
Not be the death of me.

2009-06-09T20:44:00.001+08:00

Ah, another session of nightdreaming, as my friend Nicholas call it, whom is currently enjoying life Down Under.

Was sick yesterday, which was bad. And took the day of to rest, and boy, did I rest. I slept and slept and woke up to eat and went back to sleep again.

Was supposed to meet the guys from funzsquare for supper but unfortunately, I was sick. :(

Yes, my touch typing is getting better, and I am writing this from my iPod touch.

My friend Julian just gotten a new iMac, and I am rather envious, to be honest. I can't wait for august when I finally get a MacBook and leave the troubles of the PC behind. :)

Oh and if you haven't already, please follow me at www.twitter.com/dinnie :) I know, shameless advertising.

And I miss you. :) and you and you and you. Take care, my lovelies.

You know you love me,
XOXO

Dinnie

Blogging from my iPod touch

2009-06-09T12:57:00.001+08:00

With one hand may I add.
So I got sick. :(

repost from selling fire in hell (pete wentz's blog)

2009-06-05T09:35:00.000+08:00

Wake up to despise a world I once loved
Why would you bring me in if
you knew what youd become
Curse everyone and everything even the sun, Draw
the blinds
I want to be tucked in and put back to sleep only like a dog this
time
Set the sails
Drop anchor in the middle of a storm
I've got a
conversation
And a bottle to keep us warm
Let's break it on the bow
as it sinks
hummingbird with hammers for wings
the swan doesnt
remember the last song it sings
Take what you love most and burn it to the
ground
the smoke in the air won't leave me be
All around
Count the
embers tell me
They don't look like me
They won't sing to me
If I
wake in the morning I only need two more miracles to become a saint
Everything I promised everyone I'd be I just aint
Bury me with my
friends
At the crossroads of dead end
And oh all my old friends
Oh
Yeah I hate them
Why bother make new ones too
Just more for me to lose
Put myself in this prison called life
Got a sentence of a lifetime
But I know the warden is god
And I could get paroled at anytime
the
letter begins
Dear old feuds
Don't worry I'm headed
Somewhere new
I just hope they let me in the gates
i hope they dont have a calculator
to add up all my mistakes
You can't give me any more time than I already
have
And then they sent me a postcard from hell
"Wish you were here"
I'm getting close
The gps says were near
Got a key to a lock that
doesn't exist
got a world on my back that i cannot lift
drink the world,
til its forgotten about
I never know what I'm talking about
Don't care
about anybody
But the ones that are gonna carry my coffin
Will my love
be the same as I left them
Will my pall bearers be the same as my bestmen?
Tell my friends to forget about becoming famous
Not that it matters this
junk is so goddamned contagious
Losing it and I love being lost
Dad,
tell me which is worse
Your last breath in the worst city on earth
Or
your last kiss from the lips you were built to love from birth
I'm so sick
of the neon lights
But every dog will have its day
And when I get mine
I'm gonna paint this world gray

the perfect dude.

2009-06-01T10:22:00.002+08:00

Anyway, I don't think I can stand being with someone whom is not as smart as me. I mean, not that I am smart or anything, but I would need someone smarter, whom would know more about things than I do. Personally, it is very hard for me to respect a guy if he knows less about things than I do. I am not trying to be proud or whatsoever, but to me, I will not be happy with someone whose IQ and EQ are lower than me.

This post, I would note, if becoming one of those "My Perfect Boyfriend" posts that I am so inclined to posting. And since we are here.
I might as well do this.

Please note that this list is purely fantasy and does not reflect on anything about me at all.

He has to listen to the same music as I do. None of that Japanese, or cheena (i.e. SHE, Fahreheit. ....Jay Chou is ok, though) music
. My idea of a perfect boyfriend would listen to music from Fall Out Boy, Good Charlotte, Green Day, FTSK (Forever the Sickest Kids), The Academy Is..., We the Kings.....you get what I mean.

He has to read. Real books. It doesn't matter what he reads as long as there are some form of stories and things that I made up. I would like to make things up with him. And discuss works of poetry, or stories. okay, maybe not the poetry, it sounds cheesy. We would spend afternoons reading and going for those fun things like picnics and stuff.

He has to be taller than me, and that is a non-negotiable.

He cannot be prettier than me, however, if he is Zac Efron, I would most likely forgive him.

He would have to play games. RPGs preferably.

He has to have a love for life. None of that "oh-I'm-so-depressed-and-I-to-cut-myself" nonsense.

He has to be constantly seeking to improve his knowledge of the world.

He would have to be IT savvy, if he is able to build a computer from scratch, that would be a plus, although this completely is made redundant if I switch over to Mac.

He would have to be independent. None of that asking me what I am doing every minute of the day. I cannot stand guys who are like clingy. Seriously. I have to have my own life and he has to have his. Which means that in the event if I ever dump him, he would not go commit suicide or anything. I need someone with his own person.

He has to have a silly sense of humor. :) And watch Adam Sandler with me.

He has to be a natural leader whom I can respect.

He has to understand my penchant for notebooks. The expensive ones.

He has to be romantic and spontaneous. And remember birthdays and anniversaries.

He has to be self-confident. I usually like a bit of ego in a guy. Of course, it cannot clash with mine. :)

He has to enjoy food as much as I do.

He has to love me who I am.

He shall not ask me to keep my hair long for him. WTF?

He shall not be unfaithful. Or I might make him a eunuch.

If he is a member of some European royalty, that would be good.

Oh, and he cannot be too old. Plus three is ok.

LOL.

And the killer point would be, he cannot kill me when he finally knows me for who I am.

A hiatus

2009-05-31T22:29:00.001+08:00

Have been withdrawn from reality recently. Hanging out with people I thought I was better then. And talking like one of those brainless girls.
And I saw this guy working at the game shop I frequent. He belongs to one of those types that I use to fancy back in my early teens. He's not overtly handsome, but cute. Although if I ever ask him out, which is highly improbable. I would get tired I him soon enough. And for fuck's sake he is nineteen.

And then again. He looks older.

I shall keep this as a potential summer fling.

LOL
Somebody talk me out of this.

my views on mondays and the rest of my life.

2009-05-25T10:09:00.000+08:00

Ah, yet another Monday. Ever since school stopped and I started working, Mondays are dreaded like a convict in the death row with the noose. I am grateful for having a job despite tough economic times, but sometimes I just wonder if there is more to life than just slogging away until one is dead on the inside. Of course, I am not talking about the whole thing about getting saved and going to Heaven and all that, that is not what I mean at all. I mean, other than working, is there anything more to this life?

When I think about things like that, I feel rather depressed, whatswith knowing that someday I would have to face the drudgery of pushing papers around and worrying and all that depressing thoughts. (Do you see what I mean?)

I don’t want to live a life that is just like everyone else. And so what if I graduate from a university with a degree. There are many degree holders pushing papers, it’s just that they get paid more to push papers to others.

Well, not everyone can be Neil Gaiman or Stephanie Meyer, or JK Rowling, I have to admit. But I do believe that nothing is impossible if you want it hard enough.

I would be the bestselling author ever, or I would die trying.

(Such a inspiring, motivational-speaker-like ending, isn’t it?)

2009-05-23T15:25:00.002+08:00

dance dance, we're falling up to half time.

dear all,

boys are dime a dozen.

you are overrated

best things always come to an end

2009-05-22T15:11:00.000+08:00

Just finished searching myself on Google. My gosh, I have over 95 results.

However, 95 is nothing. When I am the huge writer I always wanted to be, there would be millions of websites dedicated to my work and my sheer genius of it all.

Haha, as usual, I am over my head. J

But someday, my dear, someday, you would Google “Dinnie Lim” and there would be millions of results. I promise.

Perhaps I might be a high-flying director of some huge MNC, or the writer. Or even a chef that has some Michelin stars like The Fat Duck (is that the correct name?) in Paris. Perhaps I would be the first woman to speak the most number of languages.

French, German, Latin, Spanish, Italian. Chinese, Shanghainese, Malay, Japanese.

Back to work.

cyberstalking

2009-05-22T14:52:00.001+08:00

I fully underestimated the prowess of the internet. And I understood what it is like to cyber stalk someone.

Especially if said person has a unique name that you can’t find anywhere else. Go to www.google.com and voila! The person’s past would be there for the viewing.

It is actually very scary.

And it would be even easier if the subject is one of those geeks (like me) who have their own websites and domains. And if they are extremely active on discussion boards and forums.

I am going to try Googling myself now.

Fall Out Boy - Lullabye (sic) lyrics

2009-05-20T17:01:00.001+08:00

Pete Wentz wrote this for his kid. J

Its track 0 on Folie a deux

Honey is for bees silly bear

And besides there's jellybeans everywhere

It's not what it seems in the land of dreams

Don't worry your head just go to sleep

It doesn't matter how you feel

Life is just a ferris wheel

It's always up and down

Don't make a sound

When you wake up the world will come around

It's just the sweet weather and the peacock feathers

In the morning it will all be better

It's not what it seems in the land of dreams

Don't worry your head just go to sleep

When you wake up the world will come around

Honey is for bees silly bear

And besides there's jellybeans everywhere

It's not what it seems in the land of dreams

Don't worry your head just go to sleep

yawn

2009-05-20T15:10:00.001+08:00

Am so tired, and my eyes are closing, soon.

I am looking forward to watching Angels and Demons this weekend with my friend Sonia. Hopefully, she would not pull out last minute. *laughs*

Anyway, I love the mail to Blogger thing as it is really useful for when you can’t access the real site for a bit,

I am typing off the top of my head right now, so pardon me if I offend you or something. It’s been a long time since worrying about my grades and whether the boy sitting in the back row likes me. Nowadays, it’s so much bigger. About paying bills, going to college, working and thinking about so many strange things. Sometimes I just want things to go back to when I was a kid, when staying at my Grandma’s place was what I looked forward to every weekend.

Ah, left some messages on the Facebook walls of my secondary school friends. There was this girl I used to be friends with, not that we are enemies or anything like that, just that we drifted apart? Anyway, and there was this guy I used to know. I can’t really remember much about him except that he had a really cute dog named Angel or Angie or something. Yeah, and that his mum was a nice person. Oh, and about the girl, Kristal, she liked Gossip Girl too! And Chuck! Haha. J

Anyway, I recalled prom, which was when everything that was secondary school came to an end. My memories are a bit fuzzy, but I recalled holding a letter that I never dared to give to the guy that I really liked. I still remember his name and his face and everything, but then again, I remember the name and the face of every boy I ever liked.

He was the first boy that I ever met whom I thought was intelligent and perfect in every way. He was good enough for me but apparently I was not. So, there.

Ah, it was young, unrequited love at its finest.

I wonder if this onset of memories was because of the yearbook I uncovered while looking through my box of memories.

And I was foolish, wasn’t I, to cling onto the hope of a happiness that eluded me.

It is not as if my love-life has been extremely active for the past couple of years. It’s crushes and more crushes and being crushed on by people I will never ever be crushing on.

Anyway, speaking about crushes, I am totally into Adam Lambert right now. I know that he is probably gay, and I don’t care. And Chuck Bass.

The scene when he said: “I love you, too” was amazing. And the part when he was saying “I love you”s in between kisses? I wanted to die. Literally. I would give like 10 years of my life to be Blair. :P

I can’t wait to see who wins American Idol this season! This is like the season that I am most engaged with. J

Will head down to Sunny’s bookstore later for some returns and some cash. Take care.

nothing

2009-05-20T14:24:00.001+08:00

I know I know, I am supposed to be thinking about the future and planning ahead and all.

But sometimes I am just so sick of worrying about everything.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

awww...

2009-05-19T13:49:00.002+08:00

Aww...I want to marry a punk rocker with loads of tattoos and have a cute little baby. Just by looking at the this picture.

Once again.

Awwww.....

In case you can't tell, that is Joel Madden, frontman of Good Charlotte and Nicole Richie. The little girl is their daughter Harlow. :)

My FIRST ever fanmail to John Mayer, guitar extraordinaire

2009-05-18T14:33:00.002+08:00

from

Dinnie Lim 2:30 pm (4 minutes ago)
to john@johnmayer.com

date May 18, 2009 2:30 PM

subject: This is Not a fan letter

mailed-by
gmail.com

Hello,

This is a fan letter.
Firstly, I would like to say that I know that this email possbily gets lost somewhere in the sunken Atlantis, and you are probably too busy writng another kick-ass song/partying/blogging(what happen to it, btw?)/tweeting.
I am just banking on a hope that you might actually even glance at the email before deleting it, (not that I am trying to imply that you don't read your fanmails).
I started listening to your songs and noticing after hearing "No Such Thing" on the radio. At that point in time, I was struggling with an identity crisis (although its not as dramatic as it sounds). It might sound creepy but I felt like as if the song was written for me. To me (I don't know if you meant for it to sound this way), you talked about the "lie of rising above" and the talk of "staying inside the line".
After which I went to Wikipedia and there you were! Actually digressing for a little, I always wondered how it felt to have your own page on Wikipedia and all the numerous fansites and the million followed Twitter.)
Okay, back to what I was saying, I just felt that you were one of those musicians that understood what in meant to be slogging at dead-end jobs and wanting to follow a dream and actually doing it.

Perhaps I am reading too much into your songs, and perhaps I don't even know anything. (Which I really don't).

But all I am saying, if you are reading this and have not trashed it yet, is that you are incredibly talented and your lyrics have reached out to many people, like me. There are of course so many other songs that I loved, but there is simply no space (what nonsense) to type them down.

Anyway, I am done yabbering now. And if you even bother to reply with a question mark, or a full-stop, or a random word, like "table" or something, I would be thrilled because at least you read it.

I am going now, bye.

keep tweeting. and writing awesome kick-ass, eating cap'n crunch on Saturday Mornings amazing songs.

Bye, I really am going now.--

Regards,
Dinnie,
age 21, staying in Singapore
For more information about me,
please visit.http://www.dinnielim.com

A living contradiction...

2009-05-17T23:41:00.001+08:00

I seem to have the tendency to want things I cannot have and getting tired of things I already possess. It goes with relationships and other things as well. Perhaps wanting perfection is all but an illusion.

Perhaps perfection doesn't exist? Except in people like Chace Crawford and Prince William (although he losing his cuteness).

I am a living contradiction of myself. I want a soul mate whom would like me do who I am and yet at the same time, I turn my nose at the not so GQ guys and they never move beyond the "friends".

I am such a nonsense. :P

did this personality test. :P

2009-05-17T16:07:00.002+08:00

I did this test after seeing it on William Beckett's blog.

It says I am a ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

The Inspiring
Traits:
* Project-oriented
* Bright and capable
* Warmly, genuinely interested in people; great people skills
* Extremely intuitive and perceptive about people
* Able to relate to people on their own level
* Service-oriented; likely to put the needs of others above their own
* Future-oriented
* Dislike performing routine tasks
* Need approval and appreciation from others
* Cooperative and friendly
* Creative and energetic
* Well-developed verbal and written communication skills
* Natural leaders, but do not like to control people
* Resist being controlled by others
* Can work logically and rationally - use their intuition to understand the goal and work backwards towards it
* Usually able to grasp difficult concepts and theories

Possible Careers
* Consultant
* Psychologist
* Entrepreneur
* Actor
* Teacher
* Counselor
* Politician / Diplomat
* Writer / Journalist
* Television Reporter
* Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst, or Computer Specialist
* Scientist
* Engineer

a "meaningful" post

2009-05-15T16:44:00.000+08:00

I has been a long time since I have written anything that held any meaning. And as I was reading some older posts the other day, my observation is that as I started working, my brain cells were rapidly dying. Go figure.

I thought it would be appropriate to talk about what I would want to do with the rest of my life. Of course, that is different from what everyone thinks I should do with my life.

What I want would be to go to college, finish college, perhaps meet some like-minded friends and a like-minded cute guy. And after which work for a couple of years and open my very own little bookshop. I refrained from calling it a bookstore as it brings to mind places like Borders and Kinonuniya. I would love to write a book, get books published. Perhaps manufacture those cute little notebooks that are handstitched. Basically, something like what Ken and Karen have in BooksActually.

It has always been my dream to live a life dedicated to books, both their producing, their reading and selling.
Well, this is what I want to do, at least until I am grey and old and can no longer walk. Then I might retire to a nursing home (if I do not have children) and read till my eyes close and never open again.

As sad and morbid that sounds, that is my dream. Of course, it would be good if I get to meet a really awesome guy and share live this dream of mine with him, and maybe a little boy or girl. But I would be perfectly happy, if I were to love my life in this manner.

I think my obsession with books is bordering on insanity.

And, dad, you really think I would want to finish the ACCA and become one of those number-crunching, serious, calculative people? No thanks, I rather live.

So there. I hope this entry has more "meaning" that the usual drabble that I churn out every other day.

The weekend is here.

I love you.

(and here I remember something I used to type here)

Miss me, love you.

(except that now the context is different)

bye.

me, the civic minded lover of peace. scoffs

2009-05-15T15:39:00.000+08:00

I did something today what every good civic-minded citizen would do.
You see, my house is located near a secondary school, which is notorious for it's students and what they tend to be doing after school hours. Not to be an ass, or a prick, or whatever it is. But they were smoking at my doorstep! Ok, technically, they were smoking at my staircase, but that is what I have been seeing the otehr day while I went downstairs to buy lunch for my dad and I.
I detest teenagers who smoke. I mean, it is fine and a choice if you an adult and make decisions.I have nothing against these grownups and their smoking, unless, that is, they blow their smoke into my face.
Anyway, back to the topic. I went to call the school and spoke to the people in charge. Of course, they were really nice and polite. And I played my part of the good civic-minded citizen that I am.
It is one thing to see someone like Robert Pattinson smoking, and something entirely different when you see students which are barely even fifteen puffing away like a f**king chimney.
So. Go f**k yourselves. You idiotic brainless, think-you-are-so-cool retards.I hope you get lung cancer and die. ;D
I am looking forward to the day when you will be caught by your discilpline master. I am awaiting. :)

2009-05-14T16:47:00.002+08:00

before I start, let me mention that my shiny iPod Touch has been with me for the past three months.
I know. I know. The whole idea of a iPod changing one's life is no longer new.
But coming from a first-time iPod user, I have to say that this is one of the best gadgets I have bought in my entire life, other than the mobile phone, that is, but with the iPhone, that would be ultimate.

In the past, when I was listening to music on my Sony Ericsson mobile phone which had Walkman capabilities, I always lamented the awkward placement of the earphones, the weird design of the playlist.

And basically, I had a mp3 player, but I wanted something more aesthetically pleasing and stylish.
And then came the iPod.

and the rest is history.

long live the iPod. :)

Kirk: Chris Pine.

2009-05-14T13:46:00.000+08:00

2009-05-14T13:23:00.004+08:00

2009-05-14T13:10:00.003+08:00

Before I begin, I have reached 961 posts! I am so proud of myself! And minus those hundreds of posts about the lack of cute guys in my life and my whining, I should still have like 1 post left, maybe?

Lols.

Anyway, I was doing a bit of a research on this season's American Idol.

Obviously, Adam Lambert is going to win. I mean, I was totally blown away by Kris Allen's rendition of "Heartless", but Adam is obviously one of those readily-made rock stars. And no, I don't care that he is probably gay. Okay, perhaps the little part of me that was crushing on him for a bit is devastated. But anyway, Adam, you will win. :) Kris is just so humble and quiet and erm...boring?

Okay, here are the statistics.

The number of people who searched for "Kris Allen" is 14% of the number who Googled "Adam Lambert".

That is pathetic!

I mean, 50% is one thing. 14% only?

Lols, Adam, you ARE the American Idol.

And if you don't win, I will quit watching AI ever again.

BTW~

Star Trek was good, even though I have never watched Star Trek before.

Chris Pine. :) Delish!~

Okay. Fine. Fine.

And the Korean drama remake of Meteor Garden!

My favourite character. The one that plays the cutest emo-ish guy. <3

And no, I don't care that he looks like a girl. I am so in love with him.

Imagine, playing the violin. Such a cute guy!

Ah. I Feel fifteen.

2009-05-10T11:51:00.001+08:00

How do we still succeed taking what we don't need.
Sometimes I can extraordinarily pissed with the people around me for the little irritating things that they do.

I am getting sick of hearing your putdowns.

I need to fucking leave before I have to see a shrink.

Motion City Soundtrack. L.G. Fuad

2009-05-08T10:33:00.001+08:00

I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah
Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.

Top Ten Qualities to have in a Other Half. (other than the fact that he loves me)

2009-05-07T10:43:00.001+08:00

Ah, I have made so many lists in the past about anything in particluar and I believe I did this one before too.

So here goes.

Top Ten Qualities to have in a Other Half. (other than the fact that he loves me)

1. He has to believe in God, (I mean, I would like to put in here a comment about how on-fire he should be, but seeing this current state of disrepair that my soul is at, I shall just put this here. He should be a Christian.)

2. He must(non-negotiable) not try to change me, unless it is habits I have already thought of changing, like spending unwisely and reading too much instead of interacting with people.

3. It would be great if he likes the same kinda music like I do, some emo, some power-pop, some Chinese music.(Digressing for a bit, Yee Lee mentioned that recent music are extremely noisy. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. I am so amused. Lols. haha. :X)

4. He must read. I mean, seriously read. Not the kinda read TIME and Newsweek. He must read stories. Made up things. I would like someone to discuss my avid fixation with Harry Potter and the Lord of The Rings with.

5. He must be IT savvy, I mean, in a able-to-fix-computers kinda way.

(Pausing for a little bit, I realized that I am basically describing something like a geek. Which is exactly what I am myself, although I am more of a book geek than a computer sorta geek.)

On to the rest of the list.

6. He must be an idealist and a optimist.I will never want someone to be a wet blanket everytime I have a new idea. And I would like someone whom would be able to pick himself up and move on when he falls for a bit.

7. He must have a sense of humor. Which means for the low-brow humor like those Adam Sandler movies as well as the Stephen Chow movies that I like.

8. He MUST( and I mean MUST) be taller than I am, I don't care whether is it an inch or whatever, I would like to wear heels and not feel like I am dwarfing him.)

9. He must be self-confident. And bold. I mean, you have to have a stronger personality than me. And not be self-doubting and ll that low self-esteem issues.

10. He should be genuine, and not a phony, like Holden is so prone to saying.

That's all.

Oh, he has to be cute. At least, to me.

and you know my taste.
Adam Brody. Pete Wentz. gabe Saporta. mark Hoppus. William Beckett. Travis Clark. (getting carried away....)
Jude Law. Johnny Depp. (gets even more carried away.....).
Okay I am coming back to earth now.
So, leave a comment if you want to, but only if you want to and not just because I asked you to.

(if you want to.)

2009-05-07T10:38:00.002+08:00

finished reading The Catcher In the Rye a couple of days ago. And although many have said this before and it sounds mightily cliched, I still have to say it. I can relate to Holden, especially when the part when he says that everything is different when we grow up. As in, the part when he asks Sally Hayes to move to somewhere far away and she said that they can do it when they get older.
I mean, when I think about what I am sacrificing time and stuff, and I think about the kind of experiences that I am missing. As much as I like pretty things and gadgets and I know that I need $$ to attain all these things, to me, it is more about the experience and the people I meet, the things I see.
For example, albeit not a very good one, is like the time when I went to the iluma complex at Bugis unknowingly, that is was the first time. It is cool to know of places that no one else knows of. (yet).

I was reading Yee Lee's blog for a bit, and she writes really good entries. Most of the time, what she says about herself really applies to me? Like the part when she says that she meets new friends, warms up to new people really quickly bu does not really have any close friends? Thats the way with me. I mean, sure, we all have friends that we have fun with. At the end of the day, there is only me left.
There was some really good friends that came almost close enough but circumstances change and people change? if you you get what I mean. I guess I am doomed to this fate unless I begin to open up more, which really isn't my kinda thing, just like hugging is not my kinda thing. I mean, it is absolutely fun to with the guy you like/love and your family (even though my family doesn't hug, ever.). But with girls? Especially those fake-ass ones like a certain someone I know? The cat. if you know what I mean.

2009-05-07T10:38:00.001+08:00

Is falling in love so completely out of my grasps? And do I not sound so completely desperate saying this? perhaps some find the idea of being with someone just for the heck of it okay. But personally, to be completely candid and rude, I pity them. I mean, perhaps you might call me a bitter, single girl whom is jealous of the happiness that I see. Well, but there are people who are coupled up with someone they don't even feel remotely attracted to. Which is really sad.
I am the first to admit, I am far from perfect, whatswith the non-existent feminine wiles that so many a guy friend have commented on. (And I am very thankful that I am only friends with these guys, for I cannot imagine how critical they will be of their other halves.) I mean, if a person have to change harmless portions of their personality just to suit someone else, how pathetic is that? I mean, it is one to give up things like smoking, drugs, drinking, swearing or whatsoever. And yet another if a person is being criticised for the clothes/music taste/blah blah blah. I mean, wtf?
Settling for something = accepting something that isn't the best
And even if I am to stay single and grow gray and old and have cats and be a sad little old woman, I am not going to settle.
Settling is so easy, and is worst than giving up.
Enough with the ranting, it is just that I am feeling rather irked after remembering a conversation that I had with a guy friend the other day.
And you know who you are, and I mean no offense. It is just that I really don't appreciate being criticized. Seriously.
Is it wrong for a girl to wear jeans and pants instead of skirts and dresses? Do you have to fucking compare me with those ninny, no-brained, giggling idiots that you are so inclined to fall in love with? And once again, I thank God that you are just my friend. I simply cannot imagine being something more with you and being compared every single moment.
And back on the pants debate.
So, does it make me less than a girl to wear pants intead of a skirt?
And if so, does it make you a girl if you were to put on a skirt? DOES IT!!!????
Pardon my temper, I am rather prone to temperamental outbursts recently.
At this point of typing this entry, I am debting whether to hit the "Backspace" key and redo this entry again without those pissed off words, but I decided not to.
Ah, on the topic of Adam Lambert.
Last night's performance, in the Rock category, I was mesmerized. And as much as I loved how well he cleaned up in the past few episodes, with the whole white suit, swept back hair and all, I am more in love with his Pete Wentz-ish hair and the black eyeliner!
OMG! The eyeliner! lols.
Anyway, he did and amazing original performance. Led Zeppelin would be proud. (So sue me.)
Anyway, I am hoping for Lambert to stay in the competition.

2009-05-06T17:18:00.002+08:00

sometimes I wonder if I am going crazy, and overthinking so many things. one of the few ways that I console myself is by remembering that most of those geniuses were thought to be crazy. Sometimes I wonder if I might just simply be a lunatic that is waiting to pounce upon some unsuspecting victim and gut him/her. I mean, I have had visions of sporting wolverine like claws.

Anyway, I had had typed a longest post ever, but Blogger ate my post.
So I would type another day, perhaps when I get home.

Thanks YL, for the comment. :)

Love,
Dinnie

are you truly free?

2009-05-05T10:39:00.001+08:00

Okay, so after reading some blog posts from some of leaders in Heart of God Church, there seem to be a lessening of this sense of dread that seem to suffuse each day in recent days. Perhaps this might not be a good time, but I am feeling exceedingly left behind? And yes, I do know that this is no one's fault but my own. I know the limitations of this so-called guts that I have. I think, I might be sorted into Slytherin instead of Griffyndor.

It is a pitiful state that my soul is in, smothered in the drudge of the world, and the little printine white portions that used to gleam are of no more. Not to exaggerate, but, somehow I feel in this uncomprehensible way, that the only way for me to get back on track is to get in touch with Jesus again. I know, this feelings would pass, and I might sink into the depths of being emotional and depressed again.

Am I truly free after this?
Am I freed? Or am I chained by the world?
Is this what freedom is about?
Is being a backslider really freeing me?
Or am I being enslaved by sin again?

My head hurts after such thoughts. I think it's the devil's way of dissauding my thinking that is pro-God.
Now, that is a new term, pro-God. :)

It might sound good in a nice little slogan.

Pro-God, Pro-Love, Pro-Life.
Hmmmmm.....

I guess my problems are not so easily solved?

Where is your boy tonight?

2009-05-05T09:57:00.000+08:00

Sorry about the confusing title, I just have Grand Theft Autumn stuck in my head.
So, if you have followed me on Twitter, you would know that I have tried switching my blog from Blogger to Tumblr, without much success, though. It turns out that the Tumblr template is HTML based, which is really troublesome, and then there is the whole ugly colors thing, which I totally hate. Anyway, to cut long to short, I am coming back to Blogger, which is much easier to use with all those widgets and whatsnot. I might try livejournal and wordpress, but I have read somewhere that I have to pay for a premium account in order to use my own domain, which is quite nonsensical.

So, what have I been up to recently? Well, I am still awaiting the applications results from the local colleges, I mean, not as if I can afford to go overseas and do three years.I read in the papers that college education in 18 years would be like almost a million Singapore dollars if you go overseas, in the US, for example. I am praying, even though I am almost giving up on the whole praying thing.

I have also watched many movies, that I forgot which ones I had already reviewed and which ones I have not. The most recent ones were Handsome Suit (a Japanese movie) and Wolverine. Handsome Suit was about this really ugly guy who was given "handsomeness" after wearing one of those "Handsome Suit"s that transform a person's looks dramatically. The plot was alright, and there seem to be a bit of a moral in it, you know? Like to accept oneself for what one is and not the looks. A bucket worth of laughs, I went with my brother Duncan.

Wolverine, ah, was really good. I shall not write too much about it, perhaps not until the movie finishes its showing in cinemas. All I can say is, Taylor Kitsch, the actor that plays Gambit, is extremely hot. Haha. In the darkened cinema, I tried to mimic his card throwing hand gestures, and it was hilarious. So, if you haven't already, go watch it, alright? And I have always wanted adamantium in my body, btw. To be able to withstand bullets! And heal instantly! I can like go anf rob banks or something, not that there is much left in it, you know, with the economic situation like this.

I went to Yee Lee's party last Thursday, which was really cool.

Anyway, I have been thinking about how the iPod(and other MP3 players) have been the material saving force of my life for the past three months. Sometimes parents can be really bad for health, if you know what I mean? I was just sitting in the living room last night, trying to do some writing, and my dad started on and on about how unrealistic is was to want to be a writer, how I should be a accountant. I used all my strength to not blurt out what I was really thinking. Like, what if I don't fucking want to be a fucking accountant? So I took an ACCA paper, so what? Can I not change my mind? Can I finally find out what I want to do? What if I don't want to stare at numbers for the rest of my life? And so what if accountants earn loads? WTF?

Look, no offense against accountants or people whom are studying to be one, I am just sayin' that this is not the path for me.

I need to breathe, I need creativity, I need to meet people. I hate numbers, I hate math!!!!

Oh god, I am sounding like a petulant three year old.
I just wanna live, if that is okay with you?

And yes, I am a idealist, and yes, I will never admit defeat.
And yes, I believe that I am destined for something bigger than this.
I am just practising.

I will never settle for anything less than extraordinary.

So deal with it.

Crush of the Week : Ben Barnes

2009-04-27T10:23:00.001+08:00

2009-04-27T10:16:00.003+08:00

Am currently reading the Lord of the Rings for now. And some Artemis Fowl along the side.
And also the Jungle Books. I only have bought The Fellowship of the Ring and would buy the rest if I like the first one. Have started a journal about the books that I read and I would post selected entries on this blog. I mean, not that many people read this dusty little corner.

So, Thank You, if you are reading this blog.
And double thank yous if you have been floowing my updates. As much as it is okay, to write this like a private journal, it is nice to have people read it, as well.

Was watching the Prince Caspian on disc the other day at home, and I didn't like the past when Susan have to leave Narnia and Caspian forever.
I mean, in my point of view.
I like happy things, happy endings.
Where the prince would go down on one knee and ask the girl to marry him and not leave.
To be by his side forever, and all.

I am such a hopeless romantic.

believers never die, skeptics never try

2009-04-27T10:11:00.000+08:00

I am not sure if this is something I would still believe in when I get older, pardon, I mean, as I get older. I still believe that a person can live with a passion no matter what they do.
And as much as it is important to find some way to make money in order to have a comfortable life, it is also important to never give up on your dreams. And by dreams I don't mean those things that my dad call dreams. My dad describe dreams as those material things like cars, mansions, expensive holidays. I mean, sure, all these things are fun and everything if you have it.
My dream is to spend my days and every single day of it, around books. I could be a writer, a librarian or anything at all, as long as I get to be around the written word. I know this isn't very "realistic', like my dad will say, but that is my dream. I mean, come on, if other people can have dreams to draw and paint and dance for a living, why can't I pursue my dreams?

My dad tells me, when I talk about such things. that I should possibly try in all legal ways to earn as much as I can and then use the retirement period to do something I want. BUT I DON"T WANT TO DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to use this prime of my life to so something I would actually be proud of!
I want to be able to look back on my deathbed and be able to say, I have tried my best living a life that I want to.

Perhaps this passion might get drowned out from time to time by the tedious demands of daily life.

But I will protect this dream with my life, even if it means that I might never get to it ever. Perhaps I might never write a bestseller, perhaps I might even not ever publish a book. But I am going to keep writing, keep thinking, keep making up things an writing them down.

And I have never believed that anything is impossible, not if I tried.

If I can write a perfect paragraph in five minutes, imagine what I can do with five years.

So, as a vote of confidence to my future self, I believe in me.
And please, stay tuned to this fledgling writer, whom might just write THE english novel that would shake the literary world.

Keep believing.
And here is something I read.

Believers never die, skeptics never try. (I'm looking at you, dad)

2009-04-26T12:42:00.001+08:00

I Don't care just to what you think.

Sing it with me
I don't care.

Sing it with me
I don't care.

Sing it with me
I don't care.
Sing it with me
I don't care.

I Don't CARE!

sometimes

2009-04-26T12:35:00.002+08:00

I just get really pissed off at my dad.
I mean, he would suddenly, very suddenly start nagging about some crap, and then the nagging will turn to scolding, and yelling.
Sometimes he would throw in some shit about my going to church, which is like as if he is the antichrist or something.

This is the prat when I would actually put on my earphones, and blast some My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy in order the drown out the lecture that I have been hearing for the Nth Time.

2009-04-23T08:54:00.001+08:00

Who would I trade places with just for a day?
I was reading William's FriendsOrEnemies Group MondayEyes when I saw this forum discussion. For the uninitiated, the group is for people who likes writing poetry and prose, which is really cool. :)

Anyway, if I could, I would like to be Patrick Stump for a day, I know that I have always waxed lyrical about Pete Wentz and everything, but Patrick is someone whom I feel, have some similarities with me, at least. He is the wallflower, dedicated to his art of making music, and he quoyes TS Eliot!

I would like also to be someone Demi Moore just for a day, solely to experienced being married to Ashton Kutcher for a day. Can you imagine? Lols. Then again, I might also want to switch places with Ashlee Simpson for a day and be the wife of Pete Wentz. Or I would like to be WIlliam Beckett for a day too.

On the other hand, not to sound noble or whatsoever, I would like to experience life in the slums for a day. Just to feel for myself how blessed I am.

Yeah. I mean, come to think of it, I am. But I like to whine about the Mac that I can't afford. Which is lame and childish.
(There, I said it first.)

Oh yes, I am looking forward to reading Inkdeath by Cornelia Funke, when it comes out in a paperback. :)

Take Care, my darlings.

Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind

2009-04-22T09:52:00.002+08:00

Today's title is one of those songs that I heard when I first fell in love with alternative. As crazy as it sounds, I have only started listening to alternative since last year. I remember my church friend Jeremy sending me the list of songs as a "proper" introduction to alternative. He is now one of the really good leaders in church, which is a good thing. I am thankful for the alternative "Starter Pack" that he gave, anyway.

Hmm, I have been having many ideas about this blog and where it is heading to. I might turn this into a Book/Music/Movie reviews kinda blog, but that would mean I would have to put my thoughts and all that somewhere else, which is really troublesome to coordinate, I mean, having two blogs and everything. I would most possibly continue my use of the dinnielim.com domain for as long I can afford to, anyway, it is just fifteen bucks a year.
My brother is getting is laptop soon, so thats really cool.
And It also brings to mind the idea of getting a Macbook.
I would possibly have to pay by installments though. so hoepfully everything works out. :)

Was read Alex Evan's blog while typing this. I know it is bad and unproductive, but I cannot help but see how exciting a life he is leading. Having a clothing line, doing presentation on wine pairings. And he really has a very good play with words, I mean, he even makes writing about cleaning his room fun to read about!
I might get a couple of things from his store http://impolite.bigcartel.com/
If you like hoodies and the like you can possibly get it from there.

Saw this Ozzy Osbourne sneakers at Converse the other day.

I am oh-so-tempted.

Strangely, other girls get tempted to buy heels.

I get tempted with sneakers and hoodies.

I think I should get a rocker husband. :)

2009-04-21T21:43:00.001+08:00

I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday.

2009-04-21T10:01:00.001+08:00

are you more than I can handle
are you more than I can handle, today.
It didn't used to be this way
It is not naive to want
a happily ever after
all these years
I thought you were different

the books I bury my nose into
they always warned me about guys
like you
you reek of broken hearts and empty promises
I gave you my heart
you didn't even look at it

so you take what you could
and left me here alone
in a mess

the mess that we've made
this mess you helped to create

I will move on
and remember
as I get older
the boy who messed me up
and left me smarting

twittering, broken hearts, and some updates.

2009-04-20T17:34:00.000+08:00

I was reading Catcher in The Rye today, and I was fairly amused by how Holden Caulfield keeps lying to Ernie’s mother about how much of a sensitive boy he was, and how he (Holden) was going home because he had to take a tumor out of his brain. I mean, this relates to me, because to be very honest, I am very much of a habitual liar. It is so easy for me to just speak untruths. I know, I know, that lying is a sin and everything, and it is nothing to be proud of. I am just saying, okay? I was reading Alex Evans’ blog today, and as always, his long entries inspired me to write more in my blog, considering that recently Twittering has made me lazy and I have not been blogging much. Anyway, I have a friend (okay, rather, someone I used to be in the same school with) whom broke up with his girlfriend and everything. I am not trying to be a bitch or anything, but the girl looked like trouble ever since I have heard of her, the whole wild partying thing at all. And now this guy is moping and writing sad little poems and posting them on Facebook and everything. I feel sorry for him, cos’ a heartbreak is never easy, and you have to answer all those weird little questions other people would ask when you mention that you have parted ways.

Oh, digressing for a bit, I was really happy when Ashton Kutcher reached the million followers mark before CNN did. I know it is nothing to be happy about, but knowing that I did my part in proving this theory (Ashton’s, not mine) that a single individual can have more influence than that of a major media group just simply excites me.
I also watched 17 Again and Revolutionary Road over the weekend, both were pretty good in different sorts of way, but they didn’t stay with me like Gran Tarino did. I mean, 17 Again would be good even if I were to just watch Zac Efron walk around with his awesome leather jacket. And Revolutionary Road was depressing in my opinion.
I tried to watch some Harper’s Island last night but the plot died on my after awhile. Oh, and I also passed some of my favorite books to this dear old friend of mine whom I used to go to school with. I hoped he enjoys The Perks of Being a Wallflower like I did. And he mentions that I seem sophisticated and recalls some old conversations from back when we were what, sixteen? I had casually mentioned that I wanted to grow up to be sophisticated, Haha. Me? Sophisticated? That is like describing Paris Hilton as intellectual and smart. I mean, I can be cool, in a book geek sort of way, but sophisticated brings to mind images of Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow.
I have been twittering non-stop and some of my friends have complained about their spammed inboxes, which I am deeply unapologetic for.

My family chalet is coming up in mid-June and I am really looking forward to meeting my cousins and catching up. By then, college matters should have been settled and hopefully I would not get asked questions about these things again.

I have always wondered, if a middle-aged female that prays on younger men called a “cougar”, what is the term for those Lolita-chasing middle-aged men?

Okay, I realized that I have not been staying on topic.

Anyway, I am looking forward to school starting soon and meeting new people!

My Three Frivolous Wishes of The Year 2009 (other than the usual things like staying healthy, getting good grades, staying safe)

For Fall Out Boy or The Academy Is… to tour Singapore
For The World Economy to improve
To finish writing one novel.

2009-04-19T17:48:00.002+08:00

Am currently listening to some new(old) music. From the Get Up Kids, Cute is What We Aim For.
I like am getting some Get Up Kids, they are pretty good, from what I know, the current bands that I like e.g. Fall Out Boy, The Academy Is... all cite GUK as one of their influences. So, lets go.

Reminder to self: watch 500 Days of Summer. Mentions the Smiths in the trailer.

my current fav CIWWAF song.

I've got birds in my ears
and the devil on my shoulder
and the phone to the other
and I can't get a hold of her
what's a crush to do?

2009-04-15T17:40:00.001+08:00

Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint

Music Recs Digest #1

2009-04-15T09:29:00.003+08:00

So, I have decided to write about music, which is pretty silly of me to not have written anything about this since music pretty much influences everything I do. So, the bands that are playing on my iPod and I recommend that you do so too. :)
Of course, some of these bands you have probably have heard of, but I am going to pretend that you have never heard of them and write all I know, okay? :)

Fall Out Boy

Yes, I know. FOB has had their haters and some might flame me for saying this. But as commercialized as some say they are, they still churn out hit after hit that has those hooks in the chorus that sticks in your head long after you hear them.
My personal favorites includes "Sugar We're Going Down", "This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race", "Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Title of This Song", "20 Dollar Nosebleed", "(coffee's for closers)", "I Don't Care".

On an added note, Patrick Stump has an amazing vocal range, and he does songs like “Lullabye” and “What a Catch, Donnie” really well.

The Academy Is...

When I mention TAI, I cannot help but mention William Beckett, their main lyricist and vocalist. His voice has this hypnotizing quality, especially in “Everything We Had” from their album Santi. And he also does really well in fast songs like “Black Mamba” and “Skeptics and True Believers”. I have already had their first album Almost Here on replay on my iPod for the eighth week and I don’t think I will stop anytime soon. Their new album titled Fast Times at Barrington High describes the heartbreaks, joys and loves in high school and I found the song “About a Girl” especially poignant, when he is singing that he is not in love, but i singing that song, he is most definitely experiencing unrequited love. My other favorites from the album includes “Attention”, “Rumored Nights”, “Slow Down”.

All Time Low

All Time Low is one of those bands that you can come home from work or school and jump around the room to. And if you are listening to their music, you would find yourself tapping your feet to precious favorites like “Poppin’” and “Maria, Count Me In”. Their album So Wrong, It’s Right is one to listen to when you are feeling down or tired. Do get it if you like bands like Forever the Sickest Kids and other pop-punk bands.

We The Kings

Of course, another one of my favorites, especially when I am writing a particularly scene where people fall in love or when I am reading one of those love stories that you know is bad for you but you cannot help but read about the handsome rake ravishing the poor governess. Okay, I am digressing. We The Kings’ vocalist, Travis Clark, has written song after song of telling about love lost and found. Their self-titled debut album includes favorites of mine like “Skyway Avenue”, “Don’t Speak Liar”, “Check Yes Juliet”, and “Secret Valentine”. I recommend this band if you like The Academy Is…, not that they are the same, but they have a same thing going on.

Motion City Soundtrack

This is one of those bands that I recently “discovered” by reading Wikipedia entries about Patrick Stump, the Fall Out Boy vocalist. He did some writing for other bands and one of those which is Motion City Soundtrack. Now, MST has a unique sound that is both soothing quality as well as strangely, an overall positive sound. I like the voice of the vocalist, although one of my fellow music-loving friends actually said that he didn’t like him for the high pitch sounding voice.
Do check out “L.G. Fuad”, “It Had To Be You” and “Everything’s Alright”.

Okay, That’s all for the music recommendations today. I am going to listen to the new-ish All-American Rejects album, Hey Monday’s Hold on Tight and I would also recommend some other bands like The Maine, Boys Like Girls, Mayday Parade, School Boy Humor.

Until next time, my darlings.

Adios.

2009-04-15T09:18:00.001+08:00

turning off the lights
was all we did
when we fell in love
the world I was in fell off its axis

the nights we spend
just talking
until the sun rises
But all i could think of
was if i could live on
if you left me
at the end of this.

2009-04-15T09:12:00.000+08:00

the mice skittered
across the stage
I whispered in your ear
the promises I never should have made

I'm sorry
if it's worth anything to you
when it comes to you
my senses fail and fall into pieces

if there is something I can do
to take this all back
I would
but like you said
this is far too little
too late

like the writers always say
good things must come to end
but the writers also said
good things would live in our hearts

skeptics and true believers.

2009-04-15T09:05:00.002+08:00

Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?
Cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me,
Near death, last breath, and barely hanging on.
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?

this is known as the lyrical genius also known as William Beckett.

I concede defeat...

2009-04-15T00:19:00.001+08:00

Bronx Mowgli Wentz is the cutesy ever. :)

2009-04-14T14:49:00.000+08:00

There was this little Tweet that Bill Beckett posted today. He is so adorably cute! (Pardon my mushiness). Bill posted a Grande Caramel White Chocolate Mocha. I think that would be the thing I am going to try the next time I step into a Starbucks. And speaking of which, my last Starbucks was last Thursday. Oh, by the way, I got busted for skipping work on Thursday.

Anyway, I am looking forward to school. Yes. I guess RMIT is the only way to do this, then. RMIT Marketing. I know that UOL is said to be better, but after asking some opinions of friends that are already in UOL, I cannot help but refuse another three years of mugging. I mean, sure, projects are stressful, but they are much better than doing whatever I am doing now.

So, ho-hum.

Unless God suddenly decides that He wants to rain favor upon His useless daughter (me.), and I get into NTU. Then everything would be solved.

AHHHHHH. So frustrating.

2009-04-13T20:58:00.001+08:00

It's sucks when my parents yell at me and they know that I am right.

2009-04-13T12:06:00.001+08:00

So, the time of the year again.
Of acceptances and rejections.
I am really tired of this.
And yes, I am 21 now, so I cannot afford to wait any longer.
It is now or never.
Anyway. let this be the one time God actually shows favor to me.

Amen.

Thank you.

2009-04-12T22:47:00.001+08:00

I love that you remind me continuously, daily, without fail, how much of a failure I am as your daughter. I love how everyone else is moving forward.

And you should thank your fucking idols that I have fall out boy. If not, I might have lost it long ago.

Fuck this fucking world.

I never understood

2009-04-11T23:02:00.001+08:00

Giving up one's happiness for another person is completely stupid.
And in any case, I am selfish.
I would grab chance and never let go.

Mayday Parade -- Black Cat

2009-04-11T17:39:00.002+08:00

Close up camera one
the hero sings in this scene
the boy that gets the girl gets to go home where they get married
but stop the tape,
the sunset still looks fake to me
the hero looks like he can't breathe
the damsel just left everything

you're like a black cat with a black back pack full of fireworks
and you're gonna burn the city down right now
whoa whoa
you're like a black cat with a black back pack full of fireworks
and you're gonna burn the city down right now
whoa whoa

oh close up camera two
cause the hero dies in this scene
your inspiration is the loss of absolutely everything
and flashback on the girl
as we montage every memory
and we bleed out in the bathroom sink
and we fade out as the soundtrack sings:

you're like a black cat with a black back pack full of fireworks
and you’re gonna burn the city down right now
whoa whoa
you're like a black cat with a black back pack full of fireworks
and you’re gonna burn the city down right now
whoa whoa

she said get your hands off of my star
it's not your part but all your fault
and this jealous actress has a habit of making things sound way too tragic
get your hands off of my star
it's not your part but all your fault
and this jealous actress has a habit of making things sound way too tragic

and this jealous actress has a habit
of making things sound way too tragic
oh this jealous actress has a habit
of making things sound way too tragic.

you’re like a black cat with a black back pack full of fireworks
you’re gonna burn the city down right now
whoa whoa

you're like a black cat with a black back pack full of fireworks
and you’re gonna burn the city down right now
whoa whoa
you're like a black cat with a black back pack full of fireworks
and you’re gonna burn the city down right now
whoa whoa-ahh

and this jealous actress has a habit
whoa

Saturday Supper Club #1

2009-04-10T18:24:00.005+08:00

Music:

Down and Out- The Academy Is...

Out of the box, out of the kitchen.
Out of the world she's grown so fearful of, so fearful of.

I don't ever want to see you again [3x]
I don't ever want to see you again my friend, this is the end.

Out of the house, she grabs the keys, runs for the hills,
and doesn't leave a letter, that way the impact would be much better.
Away from the man that she's grown so fearful of, so fearful of.

I don't ever want to see you again [4x]

Why,oh why you wear sunglasses in the home,
When the sun went down about an hour ago ?
Why, oh why you wear sunglasses in the home,
When the sun went down about an hour ago ?
Life should not be that way.

Always up or down, never down and out.
You dream of demons while you sleep,
That make you stutter when you speak.
Always up or down, never down and out.
Dream of demons while you sleep,
That make you stutter when you speak.
Speak now or forever hold your peace in pieces.

Now that I'm grown I've seen marriages fall to pieces.
Now that I'm grown I've seen friendships fall to pieces.
Weekend warriors and our best friends.
The writers weren't kidding about how all good things must end.
Then again somethings, then again somethings are far too good,
Somethings are far too good, to go when you let go.

Always up or down, never down and out.
Dream of demons while you sleep,
They'll make you stutter when you speak.
Always up or down, never down and out.
Dream of demons while you sleep,
That make you stutter when you speak.
Speak now or forever hold your peace...

We won't forget Tony or Johnny oh, oh.
No matter how they miss us they still wish us the best on the road
Garrett took a plane to Paris, France.
Now he's cooking up entrees for the pretty, pretty French girls.
Bookends, Blue and Clarity, to The Wall and Grace.
Darkside, Wish, and a toast to late figure eights

Weekend warriors and our best friends,
The writers weren't kidding but the good things will live in our hearts

Always up or down, never down and out.
Dream of demons while you sleep,
That make you stutter when you speak.
Always up or down, never down and out.
Dream of demons while you sleep, (never down and out)
That make you stutter when you speak.
Always up or down, never down and out.
Dream of demons while you sleep, (never down and out)
That make you stutter when you speak.
Always up or down, never down and out.
Dream of demons while you sleep
That make you stutter when you speak.
Speak now or forever hold your peace in pieces.

Book:

Doing It by Melvin Burgess

Summary from Wikipedia.

The plot revolves around a group of British teenagers, Dino (the most popular guy at school) and his two best friends Ben and Jonathon. Dino really likes beautiful in shape Jackie - the girl he sees as an equal, the most popular girl at school - but she won't give him what he wants. This gives Dino the chance to get it from other girls behind Jackie's back.
Yet problems arise in Dino's family that causes him to see maybe sex isn't what he needs. Jonathon likes Deborah, but she's overweight; fearing condemnation from his friends and because of a disgusting looking bump on his penis, he fears showing his true feelings.
Ben's been secretly seeing his teacher, Miss Young, the typical teenage fantasy. He used to love it, but now it overwhelms him. Ben tries to break it off for a girl his own age but it causes big trouble for him Mrs. Young and his new girlfriend.

Movies:

Shinjuku Incident
Gran Tarino
Dragonball Evolution
Fast & Furious 4
The Sniper

iif you have noticed

2009-04-10T18:20:00.002+08:00

I have made some subtle changes to my fonts and colors, am looking for a new picture for the header too. Not so subtle changes include the removal of the tagboard that is terribly buggy. And the Adsense ads that earn me, what, 5 cents per year? And also a removal of those links to blogs that are possibly never updated in the lifetime.

I am considering doing a weekly Friday's Entertainment Club, that would possibly have all the things that I like for the week. Hmmmm.

2009-04-10T16:36:00.001+08:00

Oh my god! What's with pete and ashlee!

Sent from my iPod

Crush of the Day: Gabe Saporta!

2009-04-08T10:31:00.002+08:00

2009-04-08T09:41:00.000+08:00

the wasted words
that hang in waiting
in the books that fill my room
the phrases and poems the wasted words
that hang in waitingin the books that fill my roomthe phrases and poemsand storiesthat are one liners

is it sad
that i dream
of things i cannot attain
people I cannot meet
is it sad, do you think?

2009-04-08T09:15:00.002+08:00

I read this fanfiction on Buzznet, about the whole Fueled By ramen thing.
I know, I know, it makes no sense to make up stories about real people.
And I know Pete is with Ashlee and stuff, but, but ,but, a girl can alwatys dream.

Thank You

2009-04-07T23:18:00.001+08:00

Thanks for every single "Happy Birthday" that you have sent and posted.
Thanks Bryan for the cross-continental call.
Thanks to my friends at the office for celebrating my special day.
Thank you Yee Lee, Junyang, yongquan, andrew, jiewei, brintha, sonia, jian hong, gina, Julian and everyone else I possibly have missed out on.
Thank you for making me feel special on my special day.
And last but not least, my mum, dad and my brother Duncan for everything. Especially my mum for giving birth to me.

Love you all.

XOXO
Dinnie
7th April 2009

2009-04-07T23:06:00.001+08:00

So this is it
Three days till I am legally an adult
Twenty one.

Then why do I feel burdened?
Why?

productive day.

2009-04-07T09:07:00.001+08:00

the words rush out of me
like milk from the carton
when you knock it over
I can't stop to think
but let the words pour out of me.

2009-04-07T09:02:00.000+08:00

tremors and fears
hopes and dreams
all congregate under
this starless night
the moon looks like its bleeding
from what I do not know

21

2009-04-07T08:59:00.002+08:00

A number,
no, I don't feel any different.
I still take the bus and think about
what it could have been
what it still can become
I would like to take this opprtunity to
say this to the dreamers of the world.

you can still dream when you are an adult.

here's a poem from one of the twilight books.

Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age
The child
is grown, and puts away childish things.
Childhood is the kingdom where nobody
dies.

Nobody dies in my kingdom, anyway.

2009-04-07T08:58:00.000+08:00

the beauty of this all
is the mess
we've created
the one so cliched and mentioned at every single turn

I hate myself after one drink too many
my head hurts and my words too
I wish I could take it all back

but the thought of being forgiven
makes me feel even worst.

something I wrote, please don't read too much into this.

2009-04-07T08:56:00.000+08:00

we slipped away behind the shed
and fumbled touches
never seem
to make much sense to me
i wanted this to be
at Four Seasons
in the presidential suite.

but
with you
everything is perfect
its my undoing
to see you
and your face

i think i might love you.

2009-04-07T08:55:00.001+08:00

hows does one feel infinite? I wonder?

2009-04-06T21:47:00.000+08:00

my mind
is like a rocketing bullet train
I wish sometimes
that it would stop
the words the images
the ideas the dreams
that i could fly away and live in
if you were there and all was truw
everything would be real once again

if there was a time
I wish time would stop still
it would be now
your eyes
the color of the sky
so cliched
but i can drown in them
forever and ever

you are mine
and our lives intertwine.

all is cloudy except for when you look into the past

A Year Has Passed.

Let's not.

Hiatus

Fake Crumpler Bags

some updates and a possible second blog

There is no us to speak of...

Desire by Mary Mackey

Jekyll and Hyde

A depressing poem, do not read lest you slit your wrists

dressing up as myself

Tired

Something I found in a old notebook.

Blogging from my iPod touch

repost from selling fire in hell (pete wentz's blog)

the perfect dude.

A hiatus

my views on mondays and the rest of my life.

cyberstalking

Fall Out Boy - Lullabye (sic) lyrics

*yawn*

nothing

awww...

My FIRST ever fanmail to John Mayer, guitar extraordinaire

A living contradiction...

did this personality test. :P

a "meaningful" post

me, the civic minded lover of peace. *scoffs*

Kirk: Chris Pine.

Motion City Soundtrack. L.G. Fuad

Top Ten Qualities to have in a Other Half. (other than the fact that he loves me)

are you truly free?

Where is your boy tonight?

Crush of the Week : Ben Barnes

believers never die, skeptics never try

sometimes

Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind

twittering, broken hearts, and some updates.

Music Recs Digest #1

skeptics and true believers.

I concede defeat...

Thank you.

I never understood

Mayday Parade -- Black Cat

Saturday Supper Club #1

iif you have noticed

Crush of the Day: Gabe Saporta!

Thank You

productive day.

21

something I wrote, please don't read too much into this.

yawn

me, the civic minded lover of peace. scoffs