Desire by Mary Mackey

in my dreams
I hold my lovers
next
to me all at once
and ask them

what was it I desired?

my
hands are full
of their heads
like bunches of cut roses
blond hair,
brown hair, red, black,
their eyes are pools of bewilderment
staring up
at me
from the bouquet

what was it I desired?
I ask again

was it your bodies?
did I hope by draping
your flesh over me
I could escape
boredom
loneliness
gray hairs shooting
towards me
from the future
like thin arrows?
did I think I could
escape,
by taking your breath
into my mouth,
did I think I could
escape
the responsibility
of breathing?

what did I desire in
you?

sex
knowledge?
power?
love?

did I expect the
clouds to
crack
and blue moths to fly out of the stars?
did I expect
a voice
to call to me
saying
"Here at last is the answer."

what
I yell at them
shaking my lovers
what did I desire in
you?

their ears fall off like petals
they shed their faces
in a
pile at my feet
their bewildered eyes
pucker and close
centers of
fallen flowers

the last face
floats down
circling in the
darkness
at my feet

what did I desire in you? I whisper

the
stems of their bodies
dry in my hands
-- Mary Mackey